A Marriage Like Velcro: Compliment or Criticism | Black and Married With Kids.com

Photograph Credit: Roger Kirby

Has a assertion about marriage ever rubbed you the improper way? Maybe you could explain to that outsiders hunting in just did not “get it.” This is how I felt whilst viewing a latest episode of “The Braxton Family Values.” Of training course, it was unexpected emergency survival food meal not my marriage that was beneath scrutiny but Tamar’s (who is married to tunes government Vince Herbert).

In a single particular scene, the sisters, minus Tamar, were vacationing in Italy when the conservation turned to Tamar and Vince’s marriage. It appeared that the other Braxton sisters had nicknamed the few “velcro” because, as they explained, the two are always together, as opposed to Tamar spending much more time with her sisters. 1 could say the sisters were talking from their harm, disappointment, and even love for Tamar. They truly skipped her. But, the spirit of the dialogue turned sour for me when they commenced to bash Tamar’s marriage.

Since this is fact television, we really do not get to see everything that occurs, only what is edited for the viewing audience. So possibly Tamar and Vince know the sisters contact them velcro. Perhaps it is a loved ones joke that absolutely everyone chuckles about for the duration of household gatherings. Maybe Tamar and Vince came up with the name on their own. Tamar is recognized for her flamboyant ways of describing issues. Soon after undertaking a small investigation, I came across an interview printed on The Huffington Submit in September in which Tamar describes some of the negatives of undertaking reality television.

The only con is a whole lot of individuals may possibly not concur how Vince and I perform our relationship. We function collectively every single day, we’re with each other all the time. We’re pretty a lot velcro. And he manages me, so it is a good deal. The way we determine to communicate and what functions for us, a great deal of individuals won’t concur with that.

This job interview does put some of my dismay to rest but not all of it. Even if Tamar describes her personal relationship as velcro, the spirit of the sisters’ dialogue was not proper. It was full of condescension, criticism, and some may possibly say, envy.

As the only daughter in my family, I don't forget praying for sisters. I imagined getting a daily life-long pal with whom to share secrets and techniques and develop into womanhood. Probably I’m naive, but should not sisters want your relationship to be sturdy? Shouldn’t they admire the togetherness and adore you show with your partner? Shouldn’t they stimulate you to commit time jointly? Should not they regard your covenant, not just in their hearts but with their mouths?

I realize the Braxton sisters wanting to devote time together, and I truly concur that sister-time absent from the menfolk is critical. Who can argue with a girls’ holiday? But what transpires to the married girl right after the vacay, soon after the sisters’ searching journey, following the girls’ night out? I’ll tell you what happens: she goes property to a husband who is intended to be second in her lifestyle, only after God. And he wants to really feel like he’s next. He wants to know that his wife has created him a priority in her life. The same is correct for the spouse.

When you marry, you have to lower some (not all) of the cords that you had with household and friends. Even though you might have been a sister ahead of you were a wife, after marriage you are a wife first. Relationships with sisters, brothers, pals, and even parents are essential, but not as critical as your partnership with your wife or husband. Question yourself:

With whom did I stand before God and make a vow right up until demise?

With whom did I exchange rings?

With whom does my lifestyle turn into 1?

Get this: youngsters shouldn’t even consider the location of a wife or husband. I’m not talking about a boyfriend/girlfriend but a husband or wife in a healthier, nonviolent connection. At some stage, children are meant to depart their father and mother and cleave to their personal partner or spouse. Who is still left then? With any luck ,, Mr. or Mrs. Velcro, the one particular who sticks nearer than a brother or a sister.

In my view, the dialogue was not an eye-catching minute for the sisters. As an alternative of criticizing Tamar and Vince, they in fact gave them a compliment. It reminds me of something a girl informed me about my relationship that confirmed for me that my spouse and I are on the correct keep track of. When I could not demonstrate up for a couple’s conference but my husband could, she said, “That’s all right. I know you all work as a group.”

Yes! . . . Isn’t that what people need to see? Teamwork. Togetherness. Closeness. Oneness.

In actual-life and on truth tv, there will be men and women who, for no matter what cause, criticize the bond you and your husband or wife have. Do not sweat it. The key is to see it for what it actually is: a compliment.

BMWK family members, let us have some exciting. What other phrases can be employed to describe robust, satisfied marriages?

About the author

Dr. Michelle Johnson is the founder of Alabaster Lady Ministries, an on-line
worldwide women’s ministry. She is a wife, mother, writer, speaker,
trainer. Through her every day blog, online radio show, and video Bible studies, Dr. Michelle encourages girls and married couples to make God the heart of their lives.